I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
