I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
so much tequila, so little girl.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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