$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize