see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize