Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
