it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
