Cold hands, warm shart.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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