Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
