you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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