I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
