i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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