Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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