I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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