Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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