Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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