Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
