Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
