you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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