I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
