My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
