laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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