I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My ass is underappreciated
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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