My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
it's like iHOP with fire
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
