I cockslap morals
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
