Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
