I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
