i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
