1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
