When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
only you would photoshop your dick
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
