why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
