i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
