Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
