I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
It was confusing and full of hummus
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
