Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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