I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
