We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
