So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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