do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
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