The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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