I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
