I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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