why didn't you poke me back
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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