After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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