When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize