Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
