he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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