You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
