And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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