Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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