You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
