I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
