sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
