he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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