I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
