Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
