Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
