But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
