I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
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