Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
