Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
