He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
