you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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