that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
