That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You ate ashes out of my bong
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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