Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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