I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
