guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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