The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
