When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
