Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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