u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
