its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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