I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
