I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
